First time poster so bear w me. Basic info: been together 5 years, lived together 3 & we’re both mid 20s. I’m just unsure what to do moving forward and would like more thoughts on this than just my family and like 2 friends.
Basically, I do most of the household duties while also in school and working full time. I’ve asked my bf to step it up and have flat out told him I need him to grow up at this point. His only chores are cleaning cat stuff, trash, and recently his laundry. While he cleans the cat stuff pretty consistently he barely takes out the trash and his laundry has been overflowing for 2 months atp. I ask him to clean up after himself, focus on helping around, and just overall be more aware of what’s going on in the home. Anytime the trash overflows he says it’s my fault for not pushing stuff down (no room to) and doesn’t admit to slacking or start taking it out when it’s full. He leaves recyclables for months at a time in massive piles. I’ve stopped doing his laundry in hopes he would get the hint I’m serious and he just doesn’t care.
I do all the deep cleans, all the picking up, all the changing sheets & sweep/mopping. He refused to have bills in his name so they’re all in mine so also have to make sure that’s taken care of. He doesn’t help cook or clean after I cook. He just honestly doesn’t do anything. All this to say, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about this and it’s lead to nothing changing. For god sakes I’ve needed him to fix something for 2-3weeks now and he won’t do it and in fact when we got the tools from his parents, his parents told me how to use them bc they believe I enjoy doing these things. I don’t. I just can’t sit around for months with nothing being built/fixed/whatever. I even try telling his family I don’t like doing these things and I don’t get much back from anyone.
I just don’t know how else to express I need him to step it up. He has a WFH job and I work outside the home so I’m gone basically 9 hours a day. My people have told me to talk to his parents but honestly I’m not sure what that will do. His mom will still make appointments for him to this day. Is there a fix to this? I’ve tried kindly mentioning things, different phrasing, buying stuff to help him clean or organize, showed him multiple times how to do things, etc. Am I forgetting to do something? He says he’s depressed but that really only started once I hit home that I’m not his mom and won’t be doing things like laundry for him. This has been an ongoing issue for years.
Any advice is welcomed. I just am at a loss.
TL;DR Bf won’t help and slacks on 2/3 chores he has. I’ve told him many times I need more help and what to do/ how to do it. His parents are complicit in some cases to his behaviors. Need help w steps moving forward.
