I (33f) recently started starting dating this wonderful man (37m) and we’ve been boyfriend/girlfriend for about two months. I don’t wanna get into my history too much, but I’ve never had a boyfriend before. When I was 15 I got pregnant, had my son, then got kicked out of my home, so my son and I started living with my uncle (whom I now call “dad”). I’ve gone on dates here and there, but nothing has ever stuck like this. I’ve also never felt this way about another human being before.
Tonight I was at his place and we had dinner and then we went to his bedroom and had sex. Afterwards (like right after we both climaxed), I melted into his arms then looked at him and said “I love you.” He just kinda looked back at me like he didn’t really know what to say and I internally started panicking so I immediately told him he didn’t have to say it back and try to backpedal a little bit by saying maybe I didn’t know and maybe I was just riding the emotions. He told me I didn’t have to backtrack and he was really happy I felt that way. Before he could really articulate a response, I forcibly asked him if we could just forget it and move on. He said it was ok with him and we just cuddled together for a while before I said it was getting late and should head home.
When I got to my car, I drove down the road, pulled over and then started crying. I felt so embarrassed and so stupid for saying that and at that time no less. I also have some pretty serious abandonment issues (for obvious reasons given my past) so I’m really scared he’s going to leave me. It’s been a wonderful two months and I feel like this part of me I didn’t know was there before is complete. He has told me I make him feel his worth as a human being who deserves love and I felt very secure in this relationship up until this point.
Please, if anyone has any help or guidance, I would greatly appreciate it. I just really wish I could go back in time and smack myself in the face before I said that.
tl;dr: told my boyfriend of two months that I loved him right after we had sex and I panicked because he didn’t say it back.
