I (37F) have been married for 3 years to him (40M). We have no children together but he has a child from a previous relationship who lives abroad with his ex. We started dating 6 years ago, and a few months after this, he went on holiday to visit his son and family abroad and I happened to see a video of him partying with a woman in the background. My gut told me she was more than just a friend but he assured me it was nothing, so I pushed it aside. Then 1 year into our marraige (2 years ago), he decided he wanted to give his son, the chance to have a holiday also, as he had never been outside of his home country. I supported him with this and he flew abroad to pick up his son and then travelled on to another country for holiday. Fast forward to last week – I happened to see on his phone a picture of the same woman he’d been partying on a boat with 6 years ago (I never forget a face). I’m not proud of the fact, but I then searched through his phone to see all pictures of her. I discovered the woman was his ex. Not only that, but she also went on the holiday that I had thought had been a father and son bonding trip! He lied and I’m devastated. There were so many pictures and videos of her in his phone – not just from the trip but up until a year ago. I’m not stupid – I know you don’t take your so called ex on holiday without anything happening. Looking back now, he visited his son 3 other times that year – but was it to see her also? I’m utterely devasted and numb. As far as I knew they only communicated about their son but I’ve obviously been lied to. I feel like a fool and don’t know what to do
TL;DR How do I let him know that I know he cheated? How do I move past this betrayal? Is there any way forward?
Additonal context:
I was able to see the pictures as he left his phone open as he was watching a youtube video, so I looked at it whilst he was in the shower. I don’t know his password, so can’t get back into it, to get the evidence. I’ve tried to work it out but I’m stumped.
The ex is the mother of his son. He took the son and the ex on holiday. The son couldn’t travel to where we are due to visa restrictions. We previously applied for a visa for him but it was denied.
I’m not in a position financially to leave and rely on his income to pay the bulk of the bills and mortgage.
