I (27F) and my boyfriend (28M, Luke) have been together for two years, and he wants us to move in together at his place, but for me, that’s impossible. English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.
He lives in a rented one-bedroom apartment in the city, while I live on the outskirts in a safe neighborhood. The house I live in is a two-story house split in half with my best friend (26F, Kay) and her daughter (4F, Bee). We each have separate entrances, and the only thing we share is the yard, but on the ground floor, there is an interior door that connects both sides, which is always unlocked.
Luke hates that Bee comes into my part of the house regularly for any reason and that Kay leaves Bee with me when she has to go out for appointments, shopping, etc. (She always checks with me first to make sure I’m available). I don’t mind this at all—I love Bee, and I enjoy spending time with her. For context, both Kay and I work from home, and Bee goes to daycare in the mornings.
Luke hasn’t liked Bee ever since one morning when she came into the kitchen while we were having breakfast and ate the pancakes I had made for him. He got really mad and started yelling at her, saying that those were his and that she had no right to be in my part of the house. I stepped in and kicked him out because I don’t tolerate anyone talking to Bee like that. He left and ignored me for two days, and when we finally talked, he said I couldn’t prioritize Kay and Bee forever and that Bee should stay on her side of the house. I got mad and told him that he was the adult in the situation and that if he had just waited five more minutes, I would have made him new pancakes. The argument dragged on until he finally apologized to me, Bee, and Kay (even though he was clearly forced to).
Now, to the present. Luke asked me if I wanted to move in with him because his lease is up in two months. I agreed since our relationship has been good overall, but I assumed he meant moving in with me since I don’t pay rent here, and we have more space. That’s when another fight started—he said he would only move in if I locked the interior door from my side and distanced myself from Kay and Bee, which I refuse to do. He left a few hours ago, angry, and now I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR My boyfriend wants me to move in with him bur in a rental because he hates my bestie’s child .
EDIT: I didn’t expect so many responses in such a short time. Here are the answers to some of the questions I’ve seen. Thank you!
I got back together with him because our relationship has had more good days than bad.
It’s not that easy to find someone who accepts this living situation.
We didn’t have this issue in the first year—it only started in the past year.
I’m not going to move out of this house just because he wants me to, because I can’t distance myself from Kay and Bee.
When we’ve had parties in our yard, he’s never had any issues with Bee, Kay, or other friends and kids—these problems only come up when we’re alone.
Regarding the financial aspect, I don’t think he’s using me because his salary is only slightly lower than mine.
Aside from the pancake incident and a few other arguments about Kay and Bee, our relationship has been really good overall.
Bee can’t reach the upstairs area where the bedrooms are—I have a childproof gate that opens at 1.5 meters, so she’s not tall enough to unlock it.
Whenever the door between our homes is opened, both Kay and I get an alert on our phones. (We installed this after I spent hours looking for Bee in the wrong part of the house.)
Luke knew about my living situation before we even went on our first date. (We talked for a month before meeting because he was away for work in another city.) and he was ok with that.He knew that i don’t want to leave this house for anything in the world.
Unfortunately, I can’t have children. I was in a car accident seven years ago and had to be sterilized to survive. So you can understand why I consider Bee to be my child.
Luke has an 8-year-old niece and a 10-year-old nephew with whom he gets along perfectly.
Luke doesn’t want to have children, although he said he had nothing against other kids when I told him about Bee.
The house is in both of our names. Kay used part of Bee’s father’s life insurance (he died before Bee was born). And I have received various work bonuses that I saved up, as well as a bank loan that I’m still paying.
I hope it’s more clear now.
