I (30f) have had major depressive disorder since I was a teen. It was diagnosed after a traumatic event, but who knows, maybe I was predisposed anyway. I have severely struggled in and out over a decade. Lots of trial and error with medications, along with them stopping effectiveness after a few years and having to start all over. I’m in the best place emotionally I’ve ever been in my life currently after finding the right meds, a good psychiatrist, being diagnosed with BPD, and doing DBT (therapy). That said, thinking about my past is very difficult for me because I’ve struggled so much and I wonder how different my life could’ve been.
I met my boyfriend (30m) D 6 months ago. We have had the most smooth sailing relationship I’ve ever had in my life. There have been some little bumps, but they’ve been handled with respect and empathy. For example, if he said something that hurt my feelings, he would apologize, tell me he understood why I felt that way, take ownership and tell me how he would handle it differently in the future. He backs it up with his actions as well. He’s funny, intelligent, spontaneous, and kind. He’s made me feel cared for and secure.
D has known I’ve been on anti depressants since we met. He doesn’t know about my trauma yet. I’ve picked up here and there that he doesn’t think medication is always the answer for everything (which can be true sometimes). One night it prompted me to ask if he judged me for being on medication. He said not really, but a little bit. I explained what it was like being depressed – how I couldn’t get out of bed, shower, eat, etc. That I have a chemical imbalance and I need it to function. Overall, I let it roll off my back (I’m very carefree these days) but the more I thought about it, the more fucked up it seemed. It also concerned me because I don’t want to be judged for the trauma I will eventually have to open up to him about (and the whole thing makes me feel very judged and insecure to begin with).
I brought it up to him via text and said it was hurtful because I’ve never judged him for anything (he has a pretty wild past). I asked what he meant by judging me. It was a long convo but basically he said that he didn’t realize how anti depressants worked and thought it just added “extra happiness” where he thought people should put in the effort via choices to be happy (exercising, going outside, etc). He said after I told him my experience it made him understand better, and he felt sad for me that I went through that. It felt hypocritical because he uses marijuana a lot to relax and enjoy himself. If his philosophy is that people shouldn’t rely on meds/substances, why does he? It also frustrated me because why speak on something (especially so sensitive) you don’t know about?
The whole thing has left me feeling icky. Should I work past it? Should I take this as a red flag? The RFK Jr comments on SSRIs has added to my frustration of people being ignorant. We ended it on a good note but we haven’t spoken all day which has never happened before (I haven’t reached out and neither has he).
TL;DR! : boyfriend of 6 months said he judged me for being on anti depressants. Took it back after I said I felt hurt and that he didn’t fully understand what it meant to take anti depressants. Should I look past this?
