When we first started dating 6yrs ago my girlfriend was ~130 lbs and my “type” has always been in that general range. Today I am 160lbs (6’1) and my girlfriend is nearing 200lbs (5’5). This isn’t a recent development and has been a trend for a while, but I just never knew how to address it. It’s been a steady upward trend since we first started dating.
Obviously an extra 20-30lbs here and there is expected over the course of 6 years of dating and it was not a big deal to me in the beginning. However now I feel like it’s reached the point where it’s genuinely affecting my attraction to her. I really do try and convince myself it’s not a big deal, but at the end of the day it does affect our sex lives and how much I am attracted to her.
I am not a health nut, but I generally watch what I eat and do some bare bones exercises and recreational sports leagues because I can’t stand the gym. What’s worrying to me more than the weight itself is that she complains about her weight often, but chalks it entirely up to genetics and laments that it’s completely out of her control. Obviously genetics do play a role in weight and metabolism, but without trying to sound judgy I can definitely say that her diet and lifestyle choices are also a contributing factor. For example she’s big on rewarding herself with milkshakes and candy for special occasions or rough days.
Anyways, I am sure this is not a unique issue and I am looking for advice on how to approach the subject. She’ll ask me often if I still find her attractive because she knows she’s a lot different physically than when we first met and it’s getting tiring to lie about it. Without outright saying it, I’ve hinted at there being the beginning of an issue before and it immediately ends in tears and I feel terrible about it.
It’s also, as shallow as it may sound, affecting my judgment now that we’ve definitely reached a point where everyone’s expecting marriage around the corner. Obviously there’s a lot to think about with any proposal, but I’d by lying if I said the steadily increasing weight wasn’t giving me at least some pause once I start thinking about the relationship in the very long term.
Is there a way I can approach this issue without the conversation turning hurtful? Genuinely aside from this one issue we’ve been doing great and I don’t have any other reasons for pause.
TL;DR Girlfriend steadily gaining weight over span of 6yrs of dating. Recently reached point where it’s affecting attraction and am unsure about future because of it
